The Mama Sex revolution
will not be televised.

Why is it, in a culture that now fashionably talks about bondage, sex toys and open relationships, that we still have such a strong cultural taboo when it comes to talking about the procreative sex that makes us mothers and the subsequent sex mother’s have? Why is it that "Mama Sex" is the black hole of our feminine education? Why does motherhood—even for our self-empowered generation ---have such a profound impact on our sense of sexual identity?

What could it be, anthropologically speaking, that is making motherhood in this very moment in history, unlike motherhood in any other time? And why is this version of motherhood having such a profound impact on women's happiness and mental health? And why is modern motherhood, despite feminist beliefs held by so many, so often in combatance with a woman's sense of self, sexuality identity and/or sexual satisfaction?

All of these questions point to one thing: Motherhood is on the brink of a sexual revolution. 

In researching all the reasons so many are struggling with “mama sex,” it became painfully clear that too many mother’s are casualties of inadequate perinatal and postpartum support (both psychologically and physically) as well as the emotional exhaustion of living in the "motherwhelmed" culture of modern motherhood. To add even more complexity, we are also inheriting a mountain of maternal sexual baggage (Madonna-whore, anyone?) that often feels to battle with our twenty-first century fight for equality (in the workplace, in our homes, and in our bedrooms) --- and many of us are tired of carrying the weight of internalizing it all.

Modern motherhood deserves an ideological “womb” that not only re-tweaks its attitude towards childbirth and postpartum care, fully integrates matrescence into discourse and practice, but also one that understands how our newly formed maternal identity can’t be disentangled from social, cultural and historical pressures and inputs (how our mothers and their mothers attitudes influence and impact us, just being one of many). 

With mamas made at different times in a woman’s life, and under a wide range of circumstances, motherhood is a negotiation of identity (and sexuality) at various age grades and life chapters. Considered too young, out come the “teen mom” jabs, considered too old, a punch in the face with the atrocious scientific category, geriatric, the slur of the fertility field. More than just how many times around the sun you’ve been on this planet, “mama sex” is also a complicated recipe between hormones, physiology, relationship status, length of relationship, sexual history, birth story, feeling about one’s body and holistically, sense of self. Throw in a dash of societal tension regarding women’s sexuality as a whole -- age and aging -- and it’s nothing short of identity vertigo---one that makes many of us feel lost and profoundly alone in the dark unknown woods of motherhood.

Separated from our “villages” and traditional avenues of support and maternal education, we are also a generation of mothers confronted with the most intense information deluge that humanity has ever experienced. While generations of mothering ideology is constantly pushed on us: thoughts on how to feed our babies, how to get them to sleep, how to positively parent (i.e. tricks on how to not mess up these neuro-plastic sponges) all reverberating in the pages of fervently read parenting books, mommy blogs and social media posts, the stories and resources to help us navigate becoming a mother (and our subsequent sexuality) are shockingly limited.

Like most revolutions, the mama sex winds have been stirring and picking up momentum for some time, gaining strength in the last decade or so as women and mothers dominate and monetize the power of social media and blogging platforms where a growing trend toward brutal and refreshing honesty, and real life documentation emerged. Here in this groundswell of maternal narrative making, education and advocacy, where it is said, “Motherhood is the unfinished business of feminism,” the mama sex revolution has asked us to take one, critical step further than just being “mama-centric,” and has asked us to address how our society’s relationship with maternal identity, bodies, and sexuality--compounded by our contemporary culture of maternal burn-out--has created a "anti-aphrodisiac" tidal wave, completely unique to modern motherhood.

It is my deepest hope that if we confront and unpack all these combustible elements, this collision of social-cultural-historical triggers --- one no previous generation of mothers has seen the like of because we are unlike any previous generation of mothers --- the mama sex revolution could successfully fight against all of the many, many ways society is fucking with our sex lives, with the ultimate goal of (re)-claiming sexuality on our own and individual terms, as well as for the future generation of mamas , who like us, deserve better.

As role models ourselves (yes, those little eyes are always on us), if we ignore the mama sex revolution, cast it to the side, continuing to put ourselves at the bottom of the list and fail to model positive demonstrations of love and intimacy, all we are doing is setting the stage for the next generation of mothers, the ones we nurture, to inherit our same albatross.

When I first started writing all those years ago, it felt like it was my mission to scream from the rooftops that mama sex was a significant cultural topic demanding exploration, but now as more and more people do the hard and much needed work of the mama sex revolution---such as doulas + midwives to support positive birth experiences, pelvic floor specialists who help so many ease postnatal pain, psychosexual therapists to talk us through the emotional and identity minefields of this new role, and sexual pleasure coaches and educators who tackle systemic stigma --my goal has evolved to use this book to “curate” a platform where all the disparate and eclectic voices of the mama sex revolution can unite for the first time.

Much as I curated more than 20 exhibitions at the Museum of Sex and shared my story in my first book , Sex in the Museum: My Unlikely Career at New York’s Most Provocative Museum, I hope by bringing together the many disciplines, perspectives and practitioners that make up the mama sex revolution—as only in this intermixing can we fully appreciate the complexities of our generation’s mama sex challenge -- can the collective roar be fully and truly heard.