Associate Professor of Psychology, Neuroscience, Obstetrics & Gynaecology : Dr. Natalie Rosen
Dr. Natalie Rosen is an Associate Professor in the Departments of Psychology and Neuroscience and Obstetrics & Gynaecology at Dalhousie University, Halifax, Nova Scotia. Her research focuses on understanding how couples cope with sexual problems or changes to their sexual relationship and translating that knowledge into evidence-based interventions. Dr. Rosen has published over 125 peer-reviewed articles and book chapters on sexual dysfunction. She is an Associate Editor of the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior and President of the only national sex research organization—the Canadian Sex Research Forum. Dr. Rosen also maintains a small private practice focused exclusively on sex and couple therapy.
Here she answers the Mama Sex Six:
What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the phrase "mama sex"?
Changes and flexibility.
Mothers undergo many changes in their sexuality and sexual relationships throughout pregnancy and across the transition to parenthood. These changes span the biological to psychological to social and relational and have wide-reaching implications for women’s lives given the important role of sexuality for our sense of self and our relationships.
It is critically important to be flexible when navigating these changes because sexual expectations, preferences and experiences are likely to be different. Adopting a flexible mindset will help mothers (and their partners) navigate these changes with compassion for themselves and each other.
What inspired you to work/create/advocate on the topic of "mama sex"?
I became interested in researching this topic when two important milestones converged in my personal and professional life: I had my first child and I started my first academic-appointment as a professor at Dalhousie University, Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada.
In my work life, I was searching for a niche that would help me to establish myself as an independent researcher. In other words, was there an area of sexuality that was receiving limited attention and that I thought I could contribute meaningfully to? Meanwhile, I had a new infant at home and I was experiencing many changes—including to my sexuality—that I felt no one was talking about.
When I looked at the literature, I quickly realized that there were huge gaps in knowledge with respect to sex and the transition to parenthood. Most studies focused only on mothers and ignored the fact that the sex was often happening (or not happening) between two people. In addition, prior research emphasized sexual function (pain during sex, orgasm, sexual desire and arousal) almost exclusively and neglected the more psychological and relational parts of sexuality such as sexual satisfaction and sexual distress. And the biggest gap of all was that prior research was primarily descriptive, meaning that it was all about describing the prevalence or patterns of mothers’ sexual function, but it rarely examined the factors that would help us to understand who faced more or less sexual challenges and why.
This kind of information is absolutely essential for guiding prevention and intervention efforts aimed at promoting sexual well-being post-baby. We need to know what should go into these efforts to make them more effective. For example, in our research we have identified both risk and protective factors for new parents’ sexual wellbeing (i.e., sexual satisfaction, sexual distress, pain during sex, sexual desire, and more) including:
Perhaps not surprisingly, I also learned that there weren’t any evidence-based programs or interventions (i.e., programs that are rooted in research and scientifically tested for their efficacy) to support sexuality during this vulnerable period. And hence my research program was “born” (LOL!): first I wanted to conduct studies examining what factors predict whose sexuality will suffer more or less during this transition (as described above), and second I wanted to develop and test interventions to promote mothers and couples’ sexual well-being during this period.
Once I started this research program and the results of my studies came in, it was equally important to me to figure out a way to get our research findings into the hands of both health care professionals and new parents. I developed the #postbabyhankypanky initiative specifically for this purpose (www.postbabyhankypanky.com).
The post-baby-hanky-panky platform intends to share research findings in an accessible and engaging way with new parents and health care professionals. It is a series of very brief ( < 1 min) YouTube videos, each highlighting a research result about factors affecting new parent’s sexual well-being. As we conduct more research, new videos are added. The videos are hosted on a website that includes links to blog posts explaining the research findings in more detail as well as additional resources for supporting sex post-baby.
Our primary intention with this series was to open the door for better communication about this topic. For example, a family doctor might share the video series with new parents and follow up at a future appointment to ask if they are having any sexual problems or would like to talk further. A new parent might send the videos to their partner as a way of opening up the conversation to share about the changes they are experiencing. Although it wasn’t our intention that the series would directly improve new parents’ sexual relationships, we do hope it is a starting point for sharing research-based information, breaking down taboos about the topic, and getting people talking about sex post-baby.
In your work/practice/art, what are the biggest hurdles mothers are facing in terms of their sexuality?
I think the biggest hurdle new mothers face in terms of their sexuality is a lack of information about what is common and what and when issues might need further evaluation or intervention. Relatedly, a key barrier is how to talk about any changing wants and needs with their partners in an effective way. Talking about sex is one of the toughest topics for couples because it taps into our vulnerabilities and can evoke strong emotions, like anxiety, shame, and guilt.
Even couples who didn’t experience many challenges in their sexual relationships before having a baby, are likely to be faced with new issues in navigating their post-baby sex life. Things like reduced frequency of having sex, changes in body image, differences in sexual desire between partners, and physical recovery from childbirth are all common challenges that mothers and couples often feel unprepared to deal with.
Finding the time and energy to have these conversations and doing it in way that leaves both partners feeling understood and cared for and with some ideas of how to move forward, is a major hurdle. For many, the sexual problems tend to resolve over time as couples adjust and adapt in their new roles, but for others, communication will be their best tool for moving forward together. Unfortunately, communicating well about a vulnerable topic when we are exhausted and overwhelmed is not an easy ask.
Here are 3 evidence-based tips (i.e. come from research on how to effectively communicate and build intimacy in a couple) for sexual communication:
What do you think society at large should know about motherhood and sexuality? And what is society getting wrong right now in regards to it?
I think that society has started to appreciate the heterosexist and gendered representations of motherhood and sexuality that have persisted for a long time, but we still have a long way to go. There is ample evidence of gender differences in the transition to parenthood including childcare and division of household labor, among others. The implications of these gendered differences extend to sexuality as can be seen in my research where mothers (and other parents who gave birth) experience much more significant disruptions to all aspects of their sexuality compared to the parent who didn’t give birth. In addition to more problems with their sexual function (e.g., pain, desire, arousal difficulties), mothers also feel much higher levels of sexual distress (negative emotions like worry, guilt and frustration about their sexual relationships), relative to men.
But new fathers and non-birthing parents are also implicated by the novel sexual concerns experienced during this period—so why are the mothers so much more distressed by it? One possibility is that this comes down to societal gender expectations whereby mothers are made to feel badly that they cannot “do it all”, including maintaining an exhilarating sex life.
What piece of sex advice would you give mothers? Was there something you wish someone had told you?
When it comes to partnered sexual relationships, I tell mothers that it’s not all on them.
Mothers and birthing parents are more likely to internalize sexual problems postpartum as “their problem” because they might be the one experiencing lower sexual desire or pain during sex, for example. But both members of the couple (or members of the sexual relationship) must hold responsibility for their sexual relationship—they are each impacted by the sexual difficulties and can be part of the solution. It is reassuring and validating to re-frame new sexual concerns as something that they can work on together as a shared problem.
My other piece of advice is to be careful not to focus too much on getting things back to the way things used to be pre-pregnancy—because things are indeed different now. Too often advice in the media focuses on “what used to turn you on” and how to “recapture that flame of desire”. It’s important to balance a focus on both what facilitates sexual desire and arousal, but also identifying the new stressors that might be getting in the way. We can fan the flames endlessly, but if there is a sprinkler over head the fire is not going to burn very bright. It is essential to address both.
Let's amplify our voice: Who are some mamas you love following on social media?
@momsatwork
@pregnantchicken
@jillianharris
To learn more:
Be sure to check out www.postbabyhankypanky.com for resources about sexuality across the transition to parenthood. And visit www.natalieorosen.com if you are interested in participating in research to advance knowledge about women’s and couples’ sexual well-being.
@drnatalierosen
@DalCaSHlab
