Women's Health Advocate + Founder of &Breathe: Clio Wood
Clio Wood is a women's health advocate and Founder of &Breathe, a specialist fitness retreat company. She speaks and writes openly about sexual wellbeing in motherhood and is currently writing a book on painful postnatal sex and embracing sensuality as a mum. She lives in London with her husband and two daughters.
Here she answers the Mama Sex Six:
What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the phrase "mama sex"?
It somehow sounds a little illicit, doesn't it? Particularly with the word 'mama', which is more fluffy sounding than, say, 'mum' or 'mother'. I think there's a real disconnect in most people's heads between motherhood and sexuality and for a lot of us (particularly me!) we have to work hard to be comfortable with those two concepts being together.
What inspired you to work/create/advocate on the topic of "mama sex"?
My own story of motherhood is a tricky transition and I struggled to come to terms with my own identity, as well as where my own sensuality belonged after birth. I experienced PND, PTSD and extremely painful sex due to a hypertonic pelvic floor and scarring, which led to near-marriage-breakdown too. So I'm passionate about helping others to not go through the same thing. I speak and write openly on sex in motherhood, because, like so much of motherhood, we don't talk about it honestly enough. I hope that by sharing my story and signposting to resources and help, women will feel empowered to find the solution to any problems they are experiencing, as well as feeling comfortable with their sexual identity in the postnatal period and beyond.
In your work/practice/art, what are the biggest hurdles mothers are facing in terms of their sexuality?
Gah, there are so many! Firstly, that we can feel a disconnect with the concept of motherhood (looking after others) and sexuality (which is focused on ourselves) and I think the nurturing side of women is very much treated as separate to the siren part of us. The reality is that they are one and the same, but we just don't see that modeled enough. In practical terms, our bodies change in pregnancy and through birth, so this can impact us both physically (painful sex, no sensation, not wanting to be touched) and mentally (not wanting to be touched, not feeling sexy, not having the time/headspace whilst keeping a small human alive). We expect ourselves to carry on as normal after having a baby, but for many of us that adjustment is not immediate.
What do you think society at large should know about motherhood and sexuality? And what is society getting wrong right now in regards to it?
That motherhood is a bigger change to our lives than we can ever realise, that it will impact our identity and sexuality in at least some small way. And that's fine, but we also need to be able to process that and heal, or rehabilitate both mentally and physically in order to come through stronger and brighter, more confident in this new us. Society often shows very little compassion for this transition and also places the load firmly at the mother's door - I'm thinking lack of childcare, gender pay gap, non flexible working, paternity leave issues and so on. And that sensuality is as much a part of our lives (or should be) in motherhood, as before. You might not have as much time for it, but that doesn't mean it can't be wonderful when you do have the time. If we had this compassion for others and towards ourselves we could embrace and love our new sensuality in motherhood without guilt.
What piece of sex advice would you give mothers? Was there something you wish someone had told you?
Rehab and adjustment takes time! You won't necessarily feel the same after birth (vaginal or abdominal) and that's ok. Also go and see a women's health physio and make sure you're checked out properly down there. I cannot tell you how many months this could have saved me, my mental health and my marriage.
Let's amplify our voice: Who are some mamas you love following on social media?
@danaemercer
@ashleylouisejames
@alexlight_ldn
@its.sindiii
To Learn More About Clio and &Breathe:
&Breathe runs specialist fitness retreats for postnatal, parenthood and perimenopause which focus on both physical and mental wellbeing andbreathewellbeing.com
Clio also answers Agony Aunt questions on Instagram @andbreathewellbeing (DMs open!) - giving guidance and advice when you don't know where to start or where to turn next.
