A Mother’s Space: Kimberley Barnard

Kimberley Barnard is an accredited coach supporting mamas in their transition into motherhood, allowing them to step into their power and wisdom and become the mama and woman they are meant to be using a unique combination of womb healing, breathwork and coaching.

Here she answers the Mama Sex Six:

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the phrase "mama sex"?

The first thing that comes to mind, in all honesty, is planning. Mama sex feels a long way away from the spontaneous and lustful sex we may have experienced pre-kids. Many mothers can feel like this is just another thing they have to tick off their long to-do lists!

Personally, when I think of this phrase, it feels like an opportunity to rediscover our sexuality coming from a more confident, grounded and empowered place. Mama sex is a woman showing up in her essence; wild, beautiful and powerful.

What inspired you to work/create/advocate on the topic of "mama sex"?

My inspiration comes from the lack of mother-centric conversations within the transition into motherhood. There is so much we aren't talking about, sex being just one of them and it comes down to our conditioning that as mothers we should not prioritise our needs. The difference I have witnessed in allowing mothers the space to be seen and be vulnerable instead of having to play at being the 'perfect mother' is transformational!

We all have a responsibility to look closely at the stories we have allowed ourselves to believe and decide whether we still buy into them. When mothers start using their voices and sharing their experiences of what isn't working any longer, we begin to redefine ALL aspects of motherhood.

In your work/practice/art, what are the biggest hurdles mothers are facing in terms of their sexuality?

The biggest hurdles faced are the way mothers feel about themselves and their bodies. It can be hard to switch mentally and physically from your body being used to nurse a baby/toddler and being touched all day to then feel sensual with your partner or within yourself. So many mothers say they are just 'touched out' and crave their own space.

The overwhelm experienced by mothers also plays a big part in their sexuality. Many of my clients highlight the impact of their mental load and the feeling that their brain is cluttered which causes them to be in a constant state of stress. Beng in this heightened state of anxiety or stress can and does affect their sex lives and inevitably lowers their libido.

What do you think society at large should know about motherhood and sexuality? And what is society getting wrong right now in regards to it?

Societal conditioning views mothers in a very outdated way, we are no longer here to serve our families, tend the home and please our partners (as so often is the subtle message still being given by mass media and the porn industry). Examining the use of language we place on mothers and sexuality like MILF which still objectifies mothers highlights that we still have some work to be done about the way we are viewed.

I do feel like we are beginning to experience a shift though as women and mothers claim back their power and the divine feminine shows up more and more in our lives and within society. Women are learning to speak up, stand in their power and more importantly support each other and I see that filtering into motherhood and sexuality. The fact that we are having these conversations, doing the work and mothers are showing up and wanting more, proves that we are being called to claim our power back.

We are sexual beings and within motherhood, we become more grounded and sure of our sexuality.

What piece of sex advice would you give mothers? Was there something you wish someone had told you?

Don't place expectations on what your sexual landscape is going to look or feel like after kids. Start slowly, be curious, focus on rediscovering and reconnecting with your sensuality first. This small step is so often missed and when we start to reconnect to our bodies and sensuality, we cultivate an appreciation and love for them, impacting our sexual confidence.

Sexuality also doesn't mean having to have sex like so many women are conditioned to believe. Simply holding hands, a caress or bodies touching are all ways for us to build that bond with our partner after children.

Most of all, have fun with your partner, experiment and investigate how your new body wants to be touched and caressed because sex is different and feels different after children.

Let's amplify our voice: Who are some mamas you love following on social media?

@revolutionfromhome

@wombenwellness

@thegoddessspace

@amytaylorkabbaz

@the_sex_talking_mama

Services Kimberley offers:

Working with clients 1 to 1

You can find out more about working with her one to one by contacting her directly or you can join one of her group breathwork sessions or monthly Mama Circles.

Instagram: @a_mothers_space

Facebook group: A Mothers Space FB group

Podcast: A Mother's Space