Mom After Hours: Brandi Wiatrak
Brandi Wiatrak is a marketing and communications professional by day and host of the popular motherhood podcast, Mom After Hours by night. When Brandi isn’t helping mamas navigate motherhood, she enjoys singing Elsa songs with her toddler, annoying her teenage son, and traveling with her family to foreign locales.
Mom After Hours is a judgment free zone for modern moms to talk taboo topics. From sex struggles after kids to relationship hiccups, infertility, and everything in between, Mom After Hours tackles tough conversations, while equipping moms with the encouragement, tools, and humor needed to power through motherhood.
Here she answers the Mama Sex Six:
What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the phrase "mama sex"?
Missionary. Matronly. Unsexy. Rushed.
What inspired you to work/create/advocate on the topic of "mama sex"?
Before becoming a mother, I was sexually adventurous and considered good sex a top priority in my relationship. It was a massive means of connection with my partner, and we made it fun. After becoming a mother, my relationship with sex changed. I no longer felt my body was sexy or desirable, my sex drive diminished, and sex was no longer a priority. As a mother, I needed to conform to a more maternal image and leave my sexual prowess in the past. Plus, I was just plain tired. This shift in my thinking started affecting my self-confidence and my relationship negatively. I soon realized sex was crucial in maintaining that deep emotional connection with my partner. When we made sex a priority, our relationship was strong and healthy. I learned that just because I was a mom didn’t mean I had to shut off all my hedonistic desires and emulate Florence Henderson. We are human beings before we are mothers, and it’s essential for us to recognize that sex is a basic physiological need. While our sex lives may look---and feel---a bit different post-kids, it is vital that mamas recognize the value and impact of good sex on our relationships.
In your work/practice/art, what are the biggest hurdles mothers are facing in terms of their sexuality?
The biggest hurdles mothers face in their sexuality are unresolved sexual traumas, increased workloads, less support, and stigmas surrounding fulfilling our sexual needs and desires. We’re expected to continually serve our partners, children, and others while neglecting ourselves. As mothers, we are expected to be sacrificial at all costs, and that’s not fair nor sustainable.
What do you think society at large should know about motherhood and sexuality? And what is society getting wrong right now in regards to it?
Mothers can be sexual beings too, and our needs and desires are just as important as the next person. On the flip side, there are many women with unresolved traumas impacting their ability to have healthy, enjoyable sex. Instead of society and medical professionals dismissing their challenges, we must extend support and guidance so that they can properly heal and move forward.
What piece of sex advice would you give mothers? Was there something you wish someone had told you?
Sex doesn’t have to involve penetration. There are ways to maintain connection and intimacy with your partner beyond insertion. Whether it’s skin to skin contact, showering together, or even old school making out, choose what feels comfortable for you in the moment.
Let's amplify our voice: Who are some mamas you love following on social media?
There are so many wonderful mamas I follow on social media that empower me and lift me up every day. I’d say my two favorites on Instagram, where I regularly hang out are:
the queen of real-talk, Chelsea Skaggs @chels.keeps.it.real
inspiring sober-mom Celeste Yvonne of @theultimatemomchallenge
Follow Brandi:
You can find Mom After Hours at www.momafterhours.com, on Instagram at @momafterhours or streaming on your favorite podcast platforms.
