Harmonise You: Adele Wimsett
As a married mamma of 2 girls, i currently work as a Women’s Health Practitioner & Cyclical Living Coach. I embarked on this journey following a 20 year career in the criminal justice system, where I specialised in working with females who had experienced trauma and abuse.
I currently support women to connect with their cyclical nature and empower them with tools to live in flow with their life, rather than pushing against the tide. Tools include breathwork, Women’s Circles & Events, doTERRA essential oils and menstrual cycle awareness.
Here Adele answers the Mama Sex Six:
What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the phrase "mama sex"?
It’s all about timing! Ha ha! No seriously, it actually is…. Not only do you need to juggle the kids whereabouts, making sure they are fully engaged in something (therefore reducing the risk of interruption), but being in the right state of mind is so important for us mamas.
So often we are bogged down with the relentless white noise of our never ending to do list it can be challenging to relax and really be present with the experience and desire.
Added to that, the way we interact with our cyclical nature changes when we have our babies, and we will feel differently about sex at different times of our cycle.
What inspired you to work/create/advocate on the topic of "mama sex"?
Growing up I lived in a home with domestic abuse and this inspired me to want to work in the field of social care after living in a Women’s Refuge at 15 years old. I undertook a degree and after receiving an award for my academic research into female offenders, found myself on a career path in Youth Justice. With a strong feminist value base, I was passionate about supporting young women.
Alongside this, my interests outside of work were very much around women’s health and energy healing. As much of my day job revolved around heavy energies, I sought to balance by training in various healing modalities.
I have always worked with the phases of the moon and cyclical nature of the seasons in my personal life and a few years ago I trained to become what is known as a Moon Mother. Suddenly it was like everything I have ever felt about women made sense! This training introduced me to the cyclical nature of women and how this has been oppressed for so long. I knew I had a calling to share this with other women and to empower them with this knowledge.
Just as the moon has different phases throughout the month, so do women. We are different to men. We cycle – not just biologically but energetically too. This means how feel emotionally, mentally, physically and even spiritually differs throughout our cycle. This affect everything from our immunity, to our gut microbiome, to our cognitive ability, energy levels, clothes we wear and for the purposes of this book how we feel sexually.
After becoming a Mum, my value base and priories began to change and after my second daughter I knew I had to follow a calling to outside of the work I was doing. I took a huge leap of faith and set up my own business supporting women to go from striving to thriving.
Women have so many mixed messages about their sexuality from such a young age. When you become a mama, things can change yet again and there are very few forums openly discussing and exploring this topic, so I fully support your work for this reason. I wouldn’t say that mama sex is something I specifically advocate for, however empowering women and challenging the mainstream narrative around how women “should be” is something I have always been passionate about.
In your work/practice/art, what are the biggest hurdles mothers are facing in terms of their sexuality?
Patriarchy! Eons ago women would meet in red tent type spaces each month. They would honour this phase of their cycle by resting and would share stories together, deeply connecting. However, these spaces were taken away from women and this knowledge was lost. The rites of passage such as menarche, motherhood and menopause were no longer celebrated. Women have lost their voice throughout the years of being oppressed.
As the 9-5 working day was introduced, women were under increasing pressure to work like men do (who incidentally have a 24 hour hormonal cycle, which works perfectly in capitalist society). It is no coincidence that more women than ever are burnout out – we are living a life that are literally not designed to live. We are working against our biology and energy, and this is depleting us. Yet we keep going, wondering why we are experiencing so many issues.
When women begin to connect with their natural rhythms, suddenly everything makes sense. The first step to knowing your flow is to begin to track your cycle (menstrual cycle awareness). Many women tracker their footsteps, sleep, food intake but few know which day of their cycle they are on. I suggest tracking for at least 3 months to begin to see patterns. If you no longer bleed or have a womb or use synthetic hormones, you can still do this. Once you know this, you can begin to manage your life around this deep understanding of yourself.
With this we have more compassion for ourselves because we understand what is going on inside of us, allowing us to harness it’s power and use it strategically to live an optimised life. We know when is best to socialise and when is best to stay at home. We know when is best to have difficult conversations with our partners and when to avoid them! We know when we might feel most sexual and can communicate the type of sex we need and when. This is true empowerment.
Like so many issues facing women, there are few spaces to be able to be able to bring these topics up and openly ask “is this normal” and feel safe to say how women feel. We fear being judged, being truly seen, and excluded from social groups because we don’t fit into the status quo. God forbid we bring up periods or our sex life issues!
Women’s circles are having a huge resurgence and this makes my heart burst! Women’s circles are a safe, welcoming, non-judgemental space for women to show up as they truly are—a place to feel safe to remove our social masks. There is no fixing or problem solving – just a space to be truly seen, heard and held. The more we can find these spaces & authentic connections the better we feel.
In terms of actually having sex….I believe being overwhelmed and a lack of understanding about how our desire fluctuates across the month plays a huge role in our levels of satisfaction. Women’s hormones are wired and this seriously affects our libido.
What do you think society at large should know about motherhood and sexuality? And what is society getting wrong right now in regards to it?
Your body will change. What you want will change. And it is right to acknowledge & speak up about this.
You still deserve to be deeply pleasured and satisfied.
Society is largely clueless as to the realities of the pressure women are under and how this affects how we feel sexually. For many women I work with, it does not feature very high on their “to do” list. The more space women can be given to relax, release the burdens of life and have some very precious “me time”, the sexier they will feel.
What piece of sex advice would you give mothers? Was there something you wish someone had told you?
Be gentle with yourself. You have been reborn just as your baby has. Take some time to get intimate with your body and reconnect with the person you now are. This takes time. Do you know what you vagina even looks like now? Take some time to explore, reconnect and satisfy yourself before feeling pressure to satisfy anyone else!
Let's amplify our voice: Who are some mamas you love following on social media?
@Mother_pukka
@Strongmamma4
@Alchemising_eden
@Knee_deep_in_life
Services Adele offers:
I currently support women to connect with their cyclical nature and empower them with tools to live in flow with their life, rather than pushing against the tide. Tools include breathwork, Women’s Circles & Events, doTERRA essential oils and menstrual cycle awareness.
My IG https://www.instagram.com/harmoniseyou/
My FB https://www.facebook.com/harmoniseyou/
Oils education group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1987971834792414/
