Pelvic Floor Physiotherapist + Whole Body Connection Guide: Taryn Gaudin
Taryn Gaudin is a women’s pelvic floor physiotherapist and whole body connection guide. Taryn helps women connect to their wholeness through simple embodied practices so that they may experience and express their fullness in all aspects of their lives. Overcoming her own challenges with pelvic pain, she spent the last 6 years developing an alternative therapeutic approach to women’s wellness combining clinical evidence-based physiotherapy with energy medicine. Reflecting a deep appreciation of the connectedness of the physical, emotional, and spiritual body, her approach has been pivotal in uncovering the core issues of the physical pelvic symptoms that her patients experience.
Here she answers the Mama Sex Six:
What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the phrase "mama sex"?
Firstly I find it beautiful and want to give a big high five, because it means someone is talking about mamas & sex in the same sentence – we need more and more of these conversations to come to life. Unfortunately the next thing that comes to mind are some of the common narratives that exist around motherhood and sex – we are too tired, too busy, we lack sex drive, and our bodies feel too broken to expose ourselves to sex. I find there is some truth to these narratives, but it isn’t because mamas don’t crave having a beautiful, healthy, enjoyable, pleasurable and vibrant sex life. And it certainly isn’t because they don’t deserve that. And it sure isn’t because it’s not available to us. The reason why these narratives exist is because our society doesn’t support mothers in getting to the core of what is actually going on for her when she feels disconnected from her sexuality. Society would have us believe that it’s just a normal part of motherhood to become disinterested in sex. Our society will even blame the mother – it’s her body, her hormones, her mindset that’s ‘wrong’. In reality mama’s are not wrong, their body’s are not broken, and what is actually missing is conversations that normalise sex & motherhood, and safe and sacred spaces for women to explore their whole self after becoming a mother so that she can connect to what brings her pleasure in her body and what has her feel safe to enjoy sex.
What inspired you to work/create/advocate on the topic of "mama sex"?
I have been a physiotherapist for 12 years. For the first 6 years I worked in a hospital environment, but after the birth of my first baby I really yearned for work that felt more like ‘me’. After having competed in the Age Group World Championships for triathlon about 14 months after I gave birth to my first child, lots of women were asking me how I got back into sport after birth. I began to study postpartum exercise more in depth, and in that Women’s Health Physiotherapy – an entire world of pelvic health and wellness opened up to me. Many of the symptoms that women struggled with after birth were impacting their ability to exercise.
After the birth of my second baby, I too struggled with pelvic health issues. I had incredible pelvic pain that was not improving with time as I expected to. Having gone to therapist after therapist, I felt so broken and disappointed in my body. My world was falling apart. One of my biggest challenges was that I couldn’t run or exercise in many of the ways that I loved – which not only made me feel disconnected from my body, I had lost my main strategy for maintaining my mental wellbeing. My pelvic pain infiltrated every aspect of my life – how I moved my body, how I felt about my body, my energy, my patience as a mother, my relationship with myself, and my relationship with my children and my husband. One day I became so exhausted from trying to “fix” my pain (and my life) that I simply decided to stop fighting against my body and to try and work with it. I decided that I could continue to feel like my body was broken, and remain disconnected and disappointed, or I could work with it and finally listen to what it was trying to tell me. I could create new connections and new thought patterns about what my pain meant to me. I could embrace what movement was available to me, rather than thinking of all the things I couldn’t do, and I could use my pain as a way to learn how to nourish my body. In short, I decided to tune in and let my body lead the way, rather than trying to find a way to fix it. This was the beginning of an incredible journey where I recreated my entire relationship with myself and with my body. It would also be the pathway to creating a completely different way of working with women as a pelvic floor physio.
Once I had decided to simply be in my body, and let it be my guide, the layers of all the ways that I had been betraying myself, and my body, began to show. Not immediately of course, but bit by bit. With my acceptance of my pelvic pain I was able to see that even though I was a physiotherapist and had a good understanding of the human body, and even though I was an athlete and I had an acute awareness of how my body moved physically and worked functionally, there were still so many ways I forced my body to do things that were depleting my energy by pushing on even when I was utterly exhausted. I began to realise that during all of the effort, a stream of self-criticism played on repeat; a constant evaluation that always read ‘not good enough’. I was tired, and my pelvic tension was my body’s way of finally getting my attention.
By constantly ignoring my body’s signals, not only was I denying myself the experience of being truly present in my body, I was also suppressing much of my emotional, spiritual, creative and intuitive self. Like so many women, throughout my lifetime I had constantly ignored, criticised and buried parts of who I am, and now in this new phase of my life, I had a deep desire to reconnect with those parts of me. I believe my body was calling for me to soften - to become more kind and gentle with myself, and to tune into myself on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level.
I began to rebuild the foundations of my mind-body connection, firstly by agreeing to listen to my body. Meditation and mindful body awareness became part of my daily practice. I began tuning in to my body and asking how it felt and what it needed. To discover just how much rest and recovery my body was requesting was confronting. It was hard for me to simply sit just for a few minutes without trying to find something productive to do, but I’m glad I stuck with it. Simply sitting and being with myself was the uncomfortable place where I began to see and know myself more fully. I was willing and curious, and even when I thought I couldn’t go on growing like I was any longer, something inside of me knew that I could. Once I had made my decision to explore and express myself in a new way, there was no turning back, even when I wanted to. As soon as I would look in the direction of old comforts and habits, my body would contract and show me a clear ‘No!’
Over time I began to understand my rhythm, my body, my nature, and what I needed to nourish my whole self. I learned the art of slowing down, and practising self-compassion. I began embracing all of myself, particularly the softer, slower, and simpler feminine aspects that I had suppressed for such a long time. I began cultivating a lifestyle and working with women in a way that was completely unique to me.
In your work/practice/art, what are the biggest hurdles mothers are facing in terms of their sexuality?
This is such a big questions, because there are so many layers to the challenges mamas face in terms of sexuality. In my experience it’s that they don’t feel good or whole in their body, often in a physical way – either due to pelvic pain (particularly pain with sex), having symptoms of pelvic organ prolapse, incontinence, or an inability to move in the ways that they want to.
Often though, in my experience, there are layers to these physical symptoms – and it’s the emotional pain that women are carrying due to things like birth trauma, or not feeling supported as a mother, that contribute significantly to their physical pain. Women often come to see me as a therapist after they have tried to manage their physical pelvic floor symptoms using a physical /functional approach. What I offer is a more integrated approach where she is invited to tune into other aspects of her pelvic wellness – her emotional, spiritual, and energetic pelvic wellness – here she reveals to herself to root of her pelvic floor symptoms and her body disconnect.
What do you think society at large should know about motherhood and sexuality? And what is society getting wrong right now in regards to it?
That mothers want to enjoy sex. That mothers are experiencing a vast range of pelvic health concerns that stop them from not only having enjoyable sex, but also impacts all aspects of their lives.
What we are getting wrong is not opening the conversations about women’s body’s – we teach women to be secretive about pelvic wellness. We teach females from such a young age that their body is wrong, that it can’t be trusted, and that they should be ashamed of their body. We don’t support women in their birthing or postpartum experience nearly enough, and we don’t celebrate pregnancy and birth as the rite of passage that it is. These transition phases have such significant impact on women, and we aren’t offered the time, the space, nor the tools to stay in touch with our body as it rapidly changes. Basically, when a women feels broken in her body after birth the message is – ‘that’s normal’ – and that right there is actually BS. It’s so far from the truth, and we have a long way to go. But it’s conversations like these, and books like MamaSex that are creating the change that we all wish to see.
What piece of sex advice would you give mothers? Was there something you wish someone had told you?
Reconnect with your body first. Be with your body. Get to know your body. In a way that feels safe. Be curious, be kind and gentle with yourself.
Let's amplify our voice: Who are some mamas you love following on social media?
These women don’t talk about mamasex as such, but they do talk about creating a strong connection to your body and your self as a woman – which ultimately leads to better mamasex. Two of my absolute favourite are Kate Payne and Callie Brown.
Services Taryn Offers:
I am the author of the book Body Conscious: A woman’s guide to holistic pelvic wellness and feminine embodiment. I also offer online and face to face integrative pelvic health sessions – you can find all of the info about me on my website.
https://www.instagram.com/taryn_gaudin/
