The Empowered Mother: Kimmy Smith
Kimmy is the co-founder of the Empowered Motherhood Program. She is a pregnancy and postnatal exercise specialist, yoga teacher and a proud Mum to three little girls. Kimmy was a former professional athlete and corporate lawyer. She played at the elite level for over 10 years, representing the NSW Swifts and was a member of the Australia Diamonds Squad. Drawing from her experience as a professional athlete, Kimmy is passionate about supporting women to feel strong during their pregnancy and to return to exercise in a safe and positive way after birth.
Here she answers the Mama Sex Six:
What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the phrase "mama sex"?
Do you feel ready? When I first think of the phrase mama sex, my mind jumps to that first time, and whether she is ready emotionally and physically for sex. Birth is such an incredible transformative experience for women, and whilst it can be one of the most empowering and powerful experiences of our lives, it can also leave us feeling fragile. The days, weeks and months after birth can be a slow unravelling of the women we were as we step into our new role of mother. There is a lot of pressure on women to have sex at the 6 week postpartum mark and there can be a lot of shame associated with not feeling ready. But just like our bodies need help healing after birth, so do all the other aspects of ourselves including our sexuality and realationships. There are lots of reasons why a woman may not feel ready to have sex straight after birth including pain, fear, pelvic floor injuries, loss of confidence, feeling touched out, pure exhaustion or unresolved trauma from birth.
What inspired you to work/create/advocate on the topic of "mama sex"?
I am passionate about supporting women in all areas of postpartum health and our sexual health is a big part of that. I also love talking about topics where women feel shame or embarrassment due to societal pressures to be ‘perfect’. I was diagnosed with a pelvic organ prolapse after the birth of my first daughter. A prolapse can be summarised as the descent of one or more of the pelvic organs into the vaginal cavity. There are varying degrees and types of prolapse, but the symptoms can often be desribed as a a feeling of heaviness or dragging in the vagina - kind of like you have a tampon stuck half-way or are wearing a pad. Women with prolapse also report a lack of sensation during intercourse and / or fear of it feeling different for their partner. I experienced all these things in varying degrees and I really had to re-examine my relationship to pleasure and my sexuality after the birth of my daughters.
In your work/practice/art, what are the biggest hurdles mothers are facing in terms of their sexuality?
I think the biggest hurdle is that we are shamed into not talking about our sexuality openly. When we share our experiences (good or bad), we help others to feel less isolated and less alone. We become more aware of resources, tools and strategies that women can use to re-claim their sexuality.
What do you think society at large should know about motherhood and sexuality? And what is society getting wrong right now in regards to it?
I believe that the current system is failing mothers. We create so much hype around birth with almost no support for postpartum. And the support women do receive tends to be focussed on their baby. How can we expect a woman to feel like sex when we haven’t given her the support she needs to heal from birth physically, mentally and emotionally. Society likes women to fit into boxes, but as you know, we are all so incredibly unique. Some women will be ready at six weeks, some will take a lot more time and need a lot more support. I believe that all aspects of a women’s health hand wellbeing should be supported in the postnatal period and that includes her sexual health and wellbeing.
What piece of sex advice would you give mothers? Was there something you wish someone had told you?
I think all mothers would benefit from looking at their relationship to pleasure and sensuality as a starting point. At some point in my motherhood journey, I realised that I wasn’t really allowing myself much pleasure in my day. I was all go, go, go and ticking off to-do lists. Sometimes as mums, sex can feel like another thing on our to-do list. So I would encourage other mothers to start doing things that feel good just for the sake of it. Find the things that bring you joy and find ways to incorporate them into your day and then maybe that can extend to your sexuality and sex-life.
Let's amplify our voice: Who are some mamas you love following on social media?
Juliet Allen @juliet_allen
Amy Taylor Kabbaz @amytaylorkabaz
Dr Sophie Brock @drsophiebrock
Rupi Kaur @rupikaur
Emma Heapy @wordsof_emmaheapy
Paula Kuka @common_wild
Jess Ulrichs @jessurlichs_writer
Services Kimmy Offers:
The Empowered Motherhood Program combines physio-led exercise with expert education from some of Australia's leading perinatal health experts in a complete week by week program and App.
@empoweredmother_
@kimmysmithfit)
