The Birth Recovery Coach: Lucy Howlett
Lucy Howlett is a Birth Recovery Coach. Her work and passion lies in helping new mums to thrive (in body and mind), not just survive. Lucy is a highly experienced postnatal exercise specialist, advanced yoga teacher, baby massage instructor, massage therapist and Mum, to Matilda, born in 2014. She has worked with the body for over 14 years and has a degree in Dance.
Mum to Matilda (born in 2014), Lucy lives in Reading as a solo mama and in her spare time loves to go on long country walks, read (lots of Brené Brown) in her cuddle chair, experimenting with cooking and she has a huge passion for dancing.
Here she answers the Mama Sex Six:
What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the phrase "mama sex"?
Sex as a mum when she may at some point have the energy or desire, with the right support around her; helping out to allow her to feel sexy and not overwhelmed and drained.
What inspired you to work/create/advocate on the topic of "mama sex"?
Because I have had poor experiences of not having my sexual needs met or pleasures satisfied. It compounded the feeling that my feelings, wants and needs didn't matter, after having a baby. I would like other mums to know they deserve — and have the capacity — to welcome so much pleasure, joy and recovery into their lives after birth; allowing themselves to really feel as amazing as possible. To make time and space to heal and own their power in any relationship, intimate or not. It upsets me to hear that some women almost give up on their pelvic floor strength, control, or sexual fulfillment, so as part of my job as a Birth Recovery Coach I help women to address and reconnect with their vaginal and pelvic floor muscles after birth (even years later).
In your work/practice/art, what are the biggest hurdles mothers are facing in terms of their sexuality?
I don't think mums are given near enough support/guidance or even told the importance of speaking up and getting help if their vagina or pelvic floor isn't feeling right. So many mums I speak to or hear about seem to think it's just normal to continue with incontinence issues and lack of strength or elasticity to enjoy sex fully.
What do you think society at large should know about motherhood and sexuality? And what is society getting wrong right now in regards to it?
That we absolutely can't do it ALL. That we need to have time for us; to do nothing, to feel who we are again, to feed our soul, to self-pleasure, to re-claim our identity, to not have to be at bursting point before someone takes the kids, gives her a break and a true chance to feel ease — with NO reluctance from them, grumpy looks or problems at al
There needs to be more focus on dads/partners or the support network around a mum, sharing the parental responsibilities. Whether it's nursery/school drop offs or simply giving them the idea that they could take on some of the mental load that mums do, to lighten it. It's that heaviness and constant to-do list on the mind that can be the anti-aphrodisiac for mums and sometimes men just have no idea and expect too much. They may be compassionate when it's spelled out how much she keeps on top of, but I've often heard about grumpiness and little desire to really listen. Honest communication is key in so many relationships and I truly feel that so many people may need to be more emotionally intelligent. Lack of sex, meaningful cuddles and kisses and intimate connection could be solved even a little by less defensive behaviour and more honesty, communication and work on ourselves, on both sides.
What piece of sex advice would you give mothers? Was there something you wish someone had told you?
Remember that your pelvic floor, vagina and stomach have most likely changed and that deserves attention. Be compassionate and patient to that fact and your partner should be exactly that also. If your vagina needs more healing time there's loads else you can do and explore; expand your 'pleasure geography'. You deserve to be truly accepted, deeply appreciated, and have great sexual fulfillment.
Let's amplify our voice: Who are some mamas you love following on social media?
Adele Wimsett @Harmonise You
Kim Barnard @A Mother's Space
Jane Grogan @Oneself Yoga
Ashley @moretomoms
Dr Rebecca Moore @drrebeccamoore
Jenni Donato @jennidonato
Tina Mason @womens_health_brighton
Services Lucy offers:
Lucy is a Birth Recovery Coach’. Within that she is a mum herself, yoga teacher and postnatal exercise specialist, helping women to restore their strength and confidence, physically and emotionally after having babies. It is a privilege to work with women on a range of things, from pelvic floor and core restoration (as continence = confidence) to improving posture and functional strength so that they can feel great in their amazing body!’
Instagram: @thebirthrecoverycoach
