YES Ambassador: Lavinia Winch
Lavinia Winch is the The Ambassador for YES Organic Lubricants and Vaginal Moisturisers. She speaks from both a personal and professional perspective, integrating her own intimate health journey with the knowledge she has gained the last ten years working with YES. Lavinia is passionate about raising awareness of sexual function challenges following childbirth, menopause and both breast and gynaecological cancers. She has three grown up children and three grandchildren. Her daughter-in-law is a midwife, so babies and pelvic health are common topics in her home!
Prior to working at YES Lavinia spent two years training as an NCT Breastfeeding Counsellor. As a patient representative, Lavinia’s experience of a mis-diagnosed vulval condition following childbirth, through to an Endometrial Cancer diagnosis in 2015 and a radical hysterectomy, give her valuable insights into certain aspects of sexual dysfunction and sexual survivorship post-surgery. She currently runs quarterly intimate health workshops for women recovering from breast cancer at the Breast Cancer Haven centres in London and Hampshire.
Here she answers the Mama Sex Six:
What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the phrase "mama sex"?
For me, the phrase “mama sex” reflects just one part of our sexual selves. Through our lives we have different relationships with our sexual self. When we become mothers we may have to adapt to the way we view ourselves as sexual beings, but I don’t see this as negative in any way.
What inspired you to work/create/advocate on the topic of "mama sex"?
My own experience of giving birth to my first child, a daughter in London in 1980 and suffering painful sex afterwards because of an episiotomy and vaginal dryness, has inspired me to be open about the physical changes, and to help others to realise they are not alone.
Until I started working for The YES Company and learned from research of the hormonal changes that affect our vaginal and vulval health, I wasn’t aware that these changes would impact our sex life. In ante-natal classes there was no mention of post-partum sex – the focus was all on the birth and even in specialist breast-feeding sessions, no-one mentioned that oestrogen levels are very low whilst exclusively breast feeding, as you are unlikely to be ovulating. It is the oestrogen that helps to maintain normal (acidic) vaginal pH and provides moisture and lubrication.
In theory, this should have been easily resolved by using a lubricant but way back then, in the dark ages, there was no information about the importance of choosing natural, non-chemically formulated products. KY was the only brand available in 1980 and I suffered from vulval irritation, soreness and burning. Unfortunately, doctors were ignorant of the side effects of standard lubricants, and the most common diagnosis for these symptoms was thrush.
Forty years later, there is still a great deal of ignorance around the formulation of lubricants. The ingredients in most of the standard brands can cause severe irritation and may lead to incidences of thrush, UTIs and even Bacterial Vaginosis.
Unbelievably I continued to suffer from these symptoms for nearly 30 years until I was lucky enough to meet Sarah Brooks and Susi Lennox, the founders of The YES YES Company in 2009. They recognised the harm that standard lubricants can do to vaginal and vulval health and developed a pioneering range of organic intimacy products formulated to enhance sexual health and pleasure. The meeting was life-changing for me as I joined the company, launched a new career in my late fifties and the products solved my sexual health problems.
In your work/practice/art, what are the biggest hurdles mothers are facing in terms of their sexuality?
I believe that the lack of education and openness around the subject is a big hurdle, in addition to unrealistic expectations. Because in the past we haven’t talked to each other about the physical challenges, or the psychological and huge emotional changes we go through as we become mothers, we tend to believe that everyone else is OK, and we are alone in our struggles. We now know that it is incredibly common for mothers to experience pain, body image difficulties and challenges with adapting to a dual role as mother, partner, and lover. I believe your book will make a real contribution to overcoming the hurdles.
The fact that there is very little published research on the subject of post-partum sexual difficulties, might suggest that society and the medical community has yet to acknowledge the reality.
What do you think society at large should know about motherhood and sexuality? And what is society getting wrong right now in regards to it?
This is a difficult question to answer as for each mother, the experience will be intensely personal and individual. I believe things are changing, and the topic is being discussed which is positive. Social media does have a role to play here and there is evidence of mothers sharing their experiences and supporting each other.
Perhaps there is more pressure on mothers now to be all things to everyone.
I’m not sure that in the 1980’s this was so prevalent, and the economic climate has changed. The ratio of salaries to property prices has meant that fewer women have a choice about how they wish to parent. When I got married and started to think about having a family, I had a job – not a career and we were lucky enough that even though my husband was earning a modest salary, I was able to choose to be a full-time mother. I felt no pressure to have a career at the same time, and I was completely and totally fulfilled as a mum. The key point here is that I felt valued as a mother, both by society and by my husband, and it was ‘enough’ along with plenty of voluntary work, such as supporting the NCT and our children’s schools. If your partner values your role as a mother, as mine did and still does, your sexual relationship can be empowered by your self-confidence and self-image. I hope this makes sense!
I finally went back to work when our youngest was 12 years old and my role at YES has allowed me to raise awareness about sexual health and wellbeing through all stages of our lives. The more we talk about our roles as mothers both generally and in terms of our sexuality the better. We need to be in control of our own agenda rather than feel judged by society or trying to live up to unrealistic expectations.
What piece of sex advice would you give mothers? Was there something you wish someone had told you?
The best bit of advice I can give to mothers is to take it gently, don’t expect everything to be just the same, try to make time for intimacy without the expectation of sex and keep honest communication at the forefront of your relationship. I wish someone had explained to me about the effects of hormonal changes after birth and that libido and desire are contextual rather than finite.
Let's amplify our voice: Who are some mamas you love following on social media?
@clover.stroud
@breathewellbeing
@theobgynmum
@limitless_em
@thetittygritty
@katewalshphysio
The Story of YES:
The idea that started The YES YES Company Ltd in 2003 arose between two friends, Susi Lennox and Sarah Brooks. Susi and Sarah’s experience of working in the Drug Safety divisions of major pharmaceutical companies meant they were very aware of the health risks associated with certain synthetic, chemical ingredients. They set themselves the challenge of designing a range of intimacy products that would be completely benign, have no side effects, free of all known skin irritants and be highly effective.
“An analysis of competitors’ ingredients horrified us. We found that almost every other intimate care product available followed a similar, derivative synthetic formulation. These chemical formulations rely on a glycerin or silicone base, and disquieting ingredients such paraben preservatives and propylene glycol, all of which have been shown to have potentially harmful effects on the body, and particularly the more vulnerable and highly sensitive intimate tissues. This made us determined to offer pure and high performing alternatives, which would enhance, rather than compromise, intimate health”.
Somewhere between 50 – 80% of menopausal women experience vaginal dryness caused by declining estrogen levels. This rarely discussed problem can cause pain during intercourse, elevated vaginal pH leading to thrush and frequently a condition called atrophic vaginitis where even sitting down can hurt. Chemically induced menopause as with breast cancer treatment or having a hysterectomy creates the same effect, as can pregnancy, breast feeding, taking anti depressants, the Pill or anti histamines or suffering from stress. This means that most women have a need for lubricants or vaginal moisturisers at some stage in their lives.
Susi and Sarah set up in business in May 2003, after six weeks on the north coast of Bali (yes, it was a completely perfect place to plan YES), reviewing their lives, ways of working together and their personal values that defined the ethics that now governs their business. They then spent three and a half years researching, planning and formulating products, and started trading in August 2006. To fund the business start-up and long R&D period, both Susi and Sarah sold their houses. Sarah is the Chemist. Susi is the English graduate, and rather handy with words. They are both adept at juggling test tubes and subjunctives.
All YES natural personal lubricants, vaginal moisturisers and intimate washes are certified organic, guaranteed pure & natural and are made without parabens, hormones, glycerine and known skin irritants.
Insta: @yes_organics
Facebook: @yesyesyesco
