My Second Spring + The Silk Pillowcase Founder: Aisling Grimley
Aisling Grimley has had a multi-faceted career (so far) in Financial PR, her own cookery business, homeopathy and she’s the founder of My Second Spring, The Silk Pillowcase and co-founder of The M Word. She lives in Dublin, Ireland with her husband and 4 daughters.
My Second Spring provides information for women at all stage of menopause on www.mysecondspring.ie. We believe midlife can be a time for big transitions and maybe a new lease of life and a ‘second spring’. Aisling started The Silk Pillowcase to serve the 'second springers' who were having difficulties with sleep and those who were looking to see the benefits of silk for their hair and skin.
Here she answer the Mama Sex Six:
What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the phrase "mama sex"?
I think it’s the coolest thing. And also surprising how rarely those two words are juxtaposed in our daily vocabulary. The idea of Mama is one of unconditional devotion, soft, maternal, selfless. It’s almost a sexless image in some ways. Mama Sex nicely balances two important aspects of womanhood.
What inspired you to work/create/advocate on the topic of "mama sex"?
I started My Second Spring in 2013 because I was shocked to realise how little myself and the women around me knew about menopause. I truly believe the knowing and preparing for perimenopause and menopause can make a massive impact on how we experience it. Sex and sexuality at midlife is a big topic for us at My Second Spring. We have have over 1 million visitors annually from all around the world. Menopause is a conversation that is still shrouded in a lot of mystery, secrecy and shame.
The women in our community tell me this.. ...... as women age, their sexuality changes, both in terms of experience, their sense of their sexuality - and society’s view of them. Some of them flow into a new state of worry-free sex, and have the time to explore sex without inhibition, procreation in mind or self consciousness. For others, it’s the opposite, poor body image and physical changes of menopause can lead to women withdrawing from sex, and over years losing their sexual selves.
I've been very surprised to see how behind the curve the whole world is on the conversation of menopause. We see readers from all over even from countries in Asia for example where English is not the first language. Like you, I do see more advances in Australia in terms of education and research. There has been a massive change and increase in conversations happening in the UK and the US in particular since we started as a fairly lonely voice back in 2013. The narrative has changed and that's a great thing. There is beginning to be more emphasis on training the medical profession and GPs in the area of menopause which is an area that is sorely lacking around the world.
More now needs to be done to communicate with younger women so that they know what to expect of perimenopause - which typically shows itself in terms of very varied symptoms at around 45-47 years of age. This should ideally be part of sex education at secondary school level just to put menopause on the map and into the overall story of sexual health and wellbeing.
In your work/practice/art, what are the biggest hurdles mothers are facing in terms of their sexuality?
I think too often mid-life mothers are stretched too thin for any opportunity for pleasure - parenting hormonal teenagers, running houses, running companies, often both, caring for elderly relatives, all against a backdrop of the 40 symptoms of menopause (see chart below).
A bit like in the early baby days it can be hard to fit in a shower, never mind earth shattering orgasms. Plus there are unhelpful stereotypes out there - the cougaresque Mrs Robinson or the dried up cobwebby crone - we need more contemporary roles models showing midlife sex .....
What do you think society at large should know about motherhood and sexuality? And what is society getting wrong right now in regards to it?
I think expectations of the current generation of mothers is sky high. Ten years ago, I participated in the community mothers scheme – one big trend I noticed was that some of the women who found motherhood most difficult were mothers who read everything and wanted to be perfect and masterful mothers. I was very struck by some very young mothers of 18-19 brought up in foster care who were flying it and mothering very naturally and happily. I know it’s very much down to individuals but I think we should be encouraged and allowed to trust our instincts in mothering and beyond.
Trusting our instincts is something that arises again for women at perimenopause. Given how individual menopause is for every women and how little society talks this phase of life many of us are ill-prepared for the changes that happened at midlife. There are no tests to let you know what stage of perimenopause you are at, your symptoms, your learnings and your instincts will be your best guides.
The Yummy Mummy years gave way to Insta perfect parenting - and the pressure to do everything simultaneously to a stunningly impressive level seems exhausting.
And sexuality seems to now come with an airbrushed to perfection expectation that is just not compatible with raising little kids. Sex in the baby/toddler/kiddo years - will be different, from the outset a couple should know that for the next ten or so years it will be different but just as satisfying - keep it simple, take it easy and lazy.
What piece of sex advice would you give mothers? Was there something you wish someone had told you?
Put yourself top of the pile some of the time. Feel less guilt, let some things go. Not everything matters, in fact my mantra is ‘Nothing Matters! – it’s my reminder to myself that very few things are truly worth stressing over. Just keeping everyone healthy and upright is the aim!
As for great sex, you really do have to use it or lose it, That’s not to say you should feel under duress to have sex if you’re exhausted, but do put your sexual pleasure towards the top of the list. Know what makes you feel good. Keep it simple, sensuality doesn’t need to be complicated or trucked up or following any societal expectation. It just has to be simple and to suit you. I do recommend creating broad times to relax together, not scheduling sex per se, but maybe creating the environment where it’s easy to happen.
Following My Second Spring and SilkPillow:
Instagram:
@mysecondspring @the.silk.pillowcase
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/thesilkpillowcase
https://www.facebook.com/mysecondspring.ie
More on Silk and Menopause:
Silk is a natural thermoregulator so it can keep you warm or cool. It won't get rid of night sweats, but you'll always find a nice comforting cold spot on your pillowcase at night. Silk is recommended by dermatologists for skin support as it's naturally hypo-allergenic and won't dry your skin out; many women swear by their silk pillowcase to ease frizz and help their blow-dry to last a lot longer. We knew that we had a ready-made cohort of customers at My Second Spring but we were also very interested in reaching a new and younger group of women whom we knew would enjoy the benefits of silk pillowcases and eye masks.
The Silk PIlowcase business is going from strength to strength since we started in mid-2019. At the end of 2020, Aisling won the Rising Star of the Year Awarded by LEO Dublin City Women in Business Network. The Pandemic has seen a boost in our business as people look for sleep accessories to help with broken sleep, many are seeking out unusual gifts for loved ones and wish to support small female-led businesses.
