Founder of Ember: Dr. Abby Girard
Dr. Abby is the founder of Ember, a sex therapist/researcher/educator, a licensed couple and family therapist, and a wife and mother. With 10 years of experience, Dr. Abby has spent a lot of time with women and couples focused on understanding and restoring their sex lives and LOVES helping people learn and grow.
Here she answers the Mama Sex Six:
What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the phrase "mama sex"?
Transformation. When women transition to motherhood, from conception and beyond, we begin to transform in many ways. Sexuality, in its essence is ever evolving- so it makes sense that for mothers, we continue to redefine ourselves as sexual, sensual beings, or not. We each have the opportunity to return to old patterns or to embrace changes as they come- as parents and sexual partners.
What inspired you to work/create/advocate on the topic of "mama sex"?
In my work as a couples and sex therapist, I work with women who are grappling with all the ways they change, and sex changes after becoming mothers. Whether they lose their “sexual self,” have a different relationship to their body, experience physical changes around sexual function, or have major shifts in their romantic and sexual relationships as a result of parenthood- SO MANY WOMEN continue to struggle and ask themselves, is this/am I normal? I created Ember as a safe space to provide pleasure-based, positive education for women in postpartum and early motherhood to explore sexuality, relationships, and to embrace the changes that accompany this stage of life.
In your work/practice/art, what are the biggest hurdles mothers are facing in terms of their sexuality?
It seems like the conversation I have over and over is about expectations. Women/mothers hold this belief that they need to be everything to everyone, and often their needs (their sexuality) takes a back seat. Education that focuses on sexual pleasure is becoming more common, but most mom’s lack that knowledge and almost automatically see change as a problem. We really lack spaces that allow women to be open and honest about where they are at, and feel okay if it isn’t what it used to be.
What do you think society at large should know about motherhood and sexuality? And what is society getting wrong right now in regards to it?
Well, depending on your location, I think society differs a lot on views around motherhood and sexuality. In the U.S., we typically have an overwhelming lack of attention on women postpartum, except at the one 6-week visit where they are cleared to resume physical activity, including sex. There is a huge lack of dialogue in the medical community about sexual health, and this is very true for mothers.
This is exacerbated, in my opinion, by the rigid rules that social media places around women’s sexual health. For instance, most platforms outright prohibit advertising any content or product that suggests sexual pleasure, sexual wellness, or sexual activity. By doing this, our society perpetuates the idea that it is wrong to address sexual pleasure or to “draw focus” on this aspect of health. For mothers to openly discuss sexuality, they need to feel comfortable enough to ask- and this is a major issue.
What piece of sex advice would you give mothers? Was there something you wish someone had told you?
When working with mothers I often try to get a sense of what they juggle- their “mother load” and then normalize whatever sexual concern they’re having. Sex often begins in the brain, and it can be pretty hard to get in the mood if your mind is on children, house chores, work deadlines, etc... so I give them permission to not be in the mood. Then we start to explore what DOES facilitate desire and arousal to work toward creating pleasurable experiences.
As I transitioned to motherhood, I definitely underestimate the role that hormonal changes would have on sexual function- for the year postpartum I was having to navigate all sorts of changes that I was frustrated about and wished I had realized this ahead of time.
Let's amplify our voice: Who are some mamas you love following on social media?
@shutthekaleup
@gofitjo
@fruitsofmotherhood
@drcassidy
@brookeweinst
@ownitbabe
What is Ember:
Ember is an online platform created to be a safe space to explore, embrace, and reclaim sexual wellness during postpartum and motherhood. Ember was born out of the desire of so many women to understand the changes that they experience, to provide (re)education focused on THEIR pleasure and to normalize postpartum sexuality.
IG: @your_ember
FB: Ember
