Midlife Alchemy & Activism: Shae Elise Allen
Shae Elise Allen is a sexual wellness educator, somatic coach and leadership consultant. Through her sexual wellness education and somatic coaching work, Shae supports women at motherhood and midlife to repattern their sexual story and to lead from a safe and empowered connection to their body.
Coaching and consulting widely with women on topics of soul-centred leadership, courage and emotional and somatic intelligence, Shae guides women toward realising their place as heart centred, authentic and embodied leaders in today's world.
Shae offers private 1:1 coaching for mothers and women at midlife.
Here she answers the Mama Sex Six:
What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the phrase "mama sex"?
The Madonna / Whore complex is the first thing that comes to mind. So many women find it hard to evolve their sexual identity once they become Mothers.
What inspired you to work/create/advocate on the topic of "mama sex"?
My own life journey led me to working in this space. After giving birth to my daughter under traumatic circumstances (she is 14 now!) I found myself profoundly disconnected from my body and sexuality. I embarked on healing journey that lasted a number of years to reconnect with myself and evolve my relationship to pleasure and sex. This decision completely changed my life in every way, I became more embodied, alive, grounded and aware; I was inspired and awake to life in a way I had never been before and many people commented on how my vibration had changed. My relationship to sex and pleasure changed significantly and raising my daughter with an empowered relationship to her body and knowing her deep worth was at the heart of my desire. The only way to guide her and authentically transmit this knowledge was to heal my own relationship to my body, sexuality and self worth. Healing lineage wounds around body image and sexuality is by far the most extraordinary personal development journey I have ever embarked on and this work has become my Dharma.
In your work/practice/art, what are the biggest hurdles mothers are facing in terms of their sexuality?
We live in an era where women feel the pressure to be everything---a mother, a career woman, an engaged companion and lover, a visible force for change in the world. Many of us reside in and navigate cities day to day and most of us live with depleted nervous systems and are extremely overwhelmed. I believe the pressure that society places on mothers to extend their energy in every direction is a huge factor as to why women disconnect from the body and spend the majority of their time operating from only the mind.
Giving ourselves permission to pause and enjoy the expansiveness of time is the foundation for how deep pleasure and ecstatic living is cultivated. It sounds simple, but in our modern culture it's not in the least bit straight forward. Living in this way requires us to stay in strong connection to our self worth and to remember that a life where we over extend ourselves without placing our nervous system at the front and center will become brittle very quickly.
In my coaching practice I support women to look closely at both personal and collective patterning; to engage with pleasure and sexuality through a broader and more empowering lens and to build a solid foundation for living based on self worth and self love.
What do you think society at large should know about motherhood and sexuality? And what is society getting wrong right now in regards to it?
Sexuality in our culture is viewed and experienced primarily through a male pattern of arousal. By this I mean sex is usually characterised by quick arousal, a mainly genital and penetrative focus and goal orientation toward a climactic end. The mainstream porn culture is responsible for this and with many people experiencing porn as their main source of sex education, it makes sense that new mothers and women at midlife might feel a disconnect from their sexuality when they're often at their most vulnerable during these pivotal womanhood initiations.
The whole world needs to repattern our sexual story and this begins through education beyond the male pattern of arousal. Women who learn to approach sex with an empowered understanding of broader patterns of arousal are both liberated and revived. All people can greatly benefit from a broader more expansive understanding of sexuality and pleasure and parents equipped with this knowledge will be able to guide their children toward the significant cultural change that's needed around how we view and engage with sex for a more evolved humanity.
What piece of sex advice would you give mothers? Was there something you wish someone had told you?
Our cultural understanding of sex is limited. You are not broken and do not feed fixing. There is a way forward and this stage of your life is an opportunity to evolve your relationship to your body.
Let's amplify our voice: Who are some mamas you love following on social media?
Vanessa Beauchamp IG @weavinghearth
Lily Isobella IG @mslilyisobella
Brooke Frances IG @brooke_frances
Services Shae Offers:
Shae offers private 1:1 coaching for mothers and women at midlife. ‘Repatterning your sexual story’ is illuminating somatic coaching work for women who are disconnected from their body and sexuality at motherhood and midlife and provides tools and practices to ignite inner power, pleasure and self love.
Email shae.elise@gmail.com
IG @shaeeliseallen
